Ask Gearographer: How do I Know if I Need a Riding Lawnmower?

Dear Gearographer,
I have always wanted a riding lawnmower. I have never had a yard big enough to use one but that doesn’t matter. It’s almost like I “need” one to feel fulfilled. I’ve tried to explain this to my wife but she just rolls her eyes at me. What can I say to her to make her understand my needs?
Needy in New Orleans

Dear Needy
First off, man-up and quit talking about your “Needs.” Men who discuss their “Feelings” and their “Need to be fulfilled,” do not deserve a riding lawnmower. That is especially true if you are the type who does the quotation marks in the air bit with your fingers when talking about, “Feelings.” If you insist you need a riding mower but have a tiny…yard, then maybe the mower won’t be all you think it will be. A good riding mower, especially the sweet ones that look like a mini-John Deere Tractor, do not come cheap, are ridiculous for the average yard, are quite the extravagance and are also an attempt to compensate for that tiny…yard; at least that’s what Mrs. Gearographer keeps telling me every time I ask for one.

Sincerely,
Gearographer

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Michael Ryan

Michael is a full-time musician and freelance writer residing in Morrison, Colorado. He enjoys downhill skiing, traveling and attempting to play golf. He excels in the sport of extreme napping so if you must call, make it after noon.

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